margaret brown         calamity jane         saws         sailing of the ill-fated steamship titanic   
shakespeare           theatre in st louis       oral communication         anatomy of the theatre
performance workshop I           performance workshop II        teaching english: secondary
writing and performing the 10-minute play
          university seminar
home
           fall 2008        speech exam directives          10-minute play scripts  

 

ugliness

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MESSY

THAT'S A FINE HOW D'YA DO.

MESSY

AS MESSY AS AN OLD SOW'S NEST

 

MESSY

HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S BEEN CHEWING TOBACCY AND 
SPITTING AGAINST THE WIND.

 

MESSY

LOOKS LIKE A BOAR'S NEST

MESSY

SO CLUTTERED YOU COULD LOSE A THRESHING MACHINE IN THE DRAWER

 

UUGLINESS

A FACE THAT WOULD STOP A CLOCK

UUGLINESS

BUTT UGLY

UUGLINESS

COYOTE UGLY

UUGLINESS

EVERY DISHRAG HAS A DISHPAN.

UUGLINESS

HE HAS A FACE ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE.

U

UUGLINESS

HER BUCK TEETH WERE SO BAD SHE COULD EAT OATS OUT OF A JUG.

UUGLINESS

HER HAIR LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING THE CAT SUCKED ON.

UUGLINESS

HE'S SO UGLY HE HAS TO SLAP HIMSELF TO SLEEP.

UUGLINESS

HE'S SO UGLY HE'S THE POSTER CHILD FOR BIRTH CONTROL.

UUGLINESS

HE'S SO UGLY THE DOCTOR SLAPPED THE WRONG END WHEN HE WAS BORN.

 

 

UUGLINESS

HIS NOSE WAS SO BIG HE COULD EAT A HAMBURGER AND DRINK A MALT
AT THE SAME TIME.

 

UUGLINESS

HOMELY AS HOME-MADE SIN

UUGLINESS

I WOULDN'T WEAR THAT TO A DOG FIGHT.

 

 

UUGLINESS

IF MY DOG WERE AS UGLY AS YOU, I'D SHAVE HIS BUTT AND TEACH HIM
TO WALK BACKWARDS.

 

UUGLINESS

LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING THE CAT DRUG IN

 

UUGLINESS

ONE NICE THING ABOUT GOING TO THE BEAUTY SHOP IS THAT YOU CAN
TAKE IT OFF OF YOUR INCOME TAX BECAUSE IT IS A TOTAL LOSS.

 

UUGLINESS

SHE COULDN'T GET ANY IF SHE HANDED OUT PARDONS IN A PRISON.

UUGLINESS

SHE COULDN'T GET ANY IF SHE HANDED OUT PASSES ON A TROOP SHIP.

UUGLINESS

SHE HAS UGLY SHE AIN'T EVEN USED YET.

U

UUGLINESS

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S BEEN RODE HARD AND PUT AWAY WET.

UUGLINESS

SHE WAS SO BUCK-TOOTHED SHE COULD BITE A PUMPKIN THROUGH A PICKET FENCE.

UUGLINESS

SHE WAS SO CROSS-EYED THE TEARS RAN DOWN THE BACK OF HER NECK.

 

UUGLINESS

SHE WAS SO UGLY THAT MIGRATING BIRDS ONLY FLEW OVER HER
HOUSE IN THE DARK.

 

UUGLINESS

SHE WAS SO UGLY, WHEN SHE FELL IN THE POND
THEY SKIMMED UGLY FOR TWO WEEKS.

 

UUGLINESS

SHE'S SO UGLY HER FACE WOULD STOP A 10-DAY CLOCK.

UUGLINESS

SO BUCK TOOTHED SHE CAN EAT ICE CREAM THROUGH A PICKET FENCE

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY HE LOOKS LIKE HE WAS WHIPPED WITH AN UGLY STICK.

U

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY HE SHAVES BLINDFOLDED

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY HIS FACE COULD STOP AN EIGHT-DAY CLOCK

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY SHE COULD SCARE A BUZZARD OFF A SHIT WAGON

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY SHE HAS TO GET UP AND REST HER FACE AT NIGHT

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY SHE'D RUN A DOG OFF A MEAT WAGON

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY SHE'D STOP A CLOCK AND SET IT BACK AN HOUR

 

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY THAT WHEN SHE COMES OUT IN THE MORNING SHE STARTS
ENGINES ALL OVER TOWN


U

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY WE'RE ALL HOPING THAT THE WIND DON'T BLOW YOUR CLOTHES OFF

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY YOU'D MAKE A FREIGHT TRAIN TAKE A DIRT ROAD

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY YOUR MOM SET YOU IN A CORNER AND FED YOU WITH A SLINGSHOT

UUGLINESS

SWAMP TURKEY

UUGLINESS

THAT WOMAN WAS SO UGLY THEY HAD TO PUT A POKE OVER HER HEAD BEFORE THE BABY WOULD NURSE.

UUGLINESS

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS AN UGLY GIRL AT TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.

UUGLINESS

UGLIER THAN A MUD FENCE

 

UUGLINESS

UGLY AS A BUCKET OF HOG LIVERS

UUGLINESS

UGLY AS A HOME-MADE FENCE.

UUGLINESS

UGLY AS A MUD FENCE AFTER A RAIN

U

UUGLINESS

UGLY AS A RAIL FENCE

UUGLINESS

UGLY AS HOME-MADE SIN

UUGLINESS

UGLY AS HOME-MADE SOAP

UUGLINESS

YOU'RE SO UGLY THE DOCTOR SLAPPED YOUR MOTHER.

 

UUGLINESS

YOU'RE SO UGLY YOUR MOM TIED YOU TO A WOODPILE TO SEE IF
YOU WOULD BARK OR CRY.

 

BOW-LEGGED

I'M SO BOW-LEGGED I COULDN'T STOP A PIG IN A TWO-FOOT ALLEY.

BOW-LEGGED

SHE'S SO BOWLEGGED SHE COULDN'T PEN A PIG IN A DITCH.

 

ROTTEN

SHINES AND STINKS LIKE A MACKEREL IN THE MOONLIGHT

ROTTEN

STRONG ENOUGH TO STINK A DOG OFF A GUT WAGON

 

back  next

margaret brown             calamity jane           saws          sailing of the ill-fated steamship titanic   
shakespeare           theatre in st louis           oral communication          anatomy of the theatre
performance workshop I           performance workshop II          teaching english: secondary
writing and performing the 10-minute play              university seminar
home 
        fall 2008          speech exam directives       10-minute play scripts