margaret brown         calamity jane         saws         sailing of the ill-fated steamship titanic   
shakespeare           theatre in st louis       oral communication         anatomy of the theatre
performance workshop I           performance workshop II        teaching english: secondary
writing and performing the 10-minute play
          university seminar
home
           fall 2008        speech exam directives          10-minute play scripts  

 

futility

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FUTILITY

CARRY HAY TO A DEAD HORSE

 

FUTILITY

DEPENDING ON HIM IS ABOUT LIKE LEANING ON A FENCE POST THAT AIN'T THAR.

 

FUTILITY

DON'T FLOG A DEAD HORSE.

 

FUTILITY

DON'T TRY TO TEACH A PIG TO SING.  IT DOESN'T WORK, AND IT ANNOYS THE PIG.

 

FUTILITY

FROM ONE FOX YOU SKIN ONE PELT ONLY.

 

FUTILITY

HE HAS NO MORE CHANCE THAN A GRASSHOPPER IN A CHICKEN HOUSE.

 

FUTILITY

I NEED THIS LIKE I NEED A HOLE IN THE HEAD.

 

FUTILITY

IF I HAD SOME BREAD, I'D MAKE A HAM SANDWICH IF I HAD SOME HAM.

 

FUTILITY

I'M NOT JUST TALKING TO HEAR MY HEAD RATTLE.

 

FUTILITY

IT RUNS OFF BEFORE IT SOAKS IN--LIKE WATER OFF A DUCK'S BACK.

 

 

FUTILITY

I'VE BEEN MAKING A LOT OF TRACKS, BUT SOMEONE KEEPS RUBBING THEM OUT.

 

FUTILITY

LEFT UP SOAP CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE

 

FUTILITY

LIKE LOOKING FOR SALT IN THE SUGAR BOWL

 

FUTILITY

LIKE THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND

 

FUTILITY

QUIT HOLLERING DOWN THE RAIN BARREL.

 

FUTILITY

THAT TRUCK COULDN'T PULL A BABY OFF A TRICYCLE.

 

FUTILITY

THAT'S LIKE BUTTING YOUR HEAD AGAINST A BRICK WALL.

 

FUTILITY

THAT'S LIKE GETTING BLOOD OUT OF A TURNIP.

 

FUTILITY

THAT'S LIKE PISSING INTO THE WIND.

 

 

FUTILITY

THAT'S LIKE PISSING UP A ROPE.

 

FUTILITY

THAT'S LIKE STACKING GREASED BB'S.

 

FUTILITY

THAT'S LIKE WHISTLING IN A TORNADO.

 

FUTILITY

THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES.  FIRST YOUR MONEY, THEN YOUR CLOTHES.

 

FUTILITY

THE MAGPIE WANTS TO DO THAT TOO, BUT HIS TAIL WON'T LET HIM.

 

FUTILITY

THE OLD STALLION EITHER GOES LAME OR BLIND.

 

FUTILITY

WITH ONE ASS YOU CAN'T RIDE TWO HORSES.

 

FUTILITY

YOU CAN PUT A POSSUM IN A BAG, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM OUT.

 

IMPASSE

HE'S UP A CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE.

 

 

IMPOSSIBLE

IF DOGS HAVE KITTENS AND RAIN FALLS UP

 

IMPOSSIBLE

IT'LL BE A COLD DAY IN JULY WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

 

IMPOSSIBLE

YOU CAN'T PUSH A ROPE UNLESS IT'S FROZEN.

 

 

IN THE BAG

I'VE HAD MANY A SACK THE STRING BUSTED ON ME.

 

USELESS

A WOMAN NEEDS A MAN LIKE A ZEBRA NEEDS A BICYCLE.

USELESS

USELESS AS A HOG WITH A SIDE SADDLE

USELESS

USELESS AS A NINTH TIT ON A BOAR HOG.

USELESS

USELESS AS A WART ON A HOG

USELESS

USELESS AS HALF A PAIR OF PLIERS

USELESS

USELESS AS TITS ON A BOAR HOG

USELESS

WORTHLESS AS HEN SHIT ON A PUMP HANDLE

USELESS

YOU DON'T NEED THAT ANY MORE THAN A TOMCAT NEEDS A MARRIAGE LICENSE.

 

WAIT

WE WAITED FOR YOU, AS ONE PIG WAITS FOR ANOTHER.

back  next  

 

margaret brown             calamity jane           saws          sailing of the ill-fated steamship titanic   
shakespeare           theatre in st louis           oral communication          anatomy of the theatre
performance workshop I           performance workshop II          teaching english: secondary
writing and performing the 10-minute play              university seminar
home 
        fall 2008          speech exam directives       10-minute play scripts