Natalie Robbins

These are my 10-minute plays. You may perform them if you wish, but please acknowledge me as the author. If you do perform them, please let me know! My e-mail is natthecat61@hotmail.com. Thank you!

By the Dashboard Lights

by Natalie Robbins at natthecat61@hotmail.com

A car. Mary is in the passenger’s seat, Joe in the driver’s. In the back seats are Inner Mary and Inner Joe. Jazz music is playing the duration of the play, as if coming from the car’s stereo system.

Inner Joe: Man am I sleepy. I’ve got to concentrate on the road.

Mary: Honey, are you OK? Want me to drive for a while?

Joe: Nah, I’m good.

Mary: Are you sure? Because I thought I saw your head nod. I’ve taken a nap, and you’ve been driving since we left.

Inner Mary: I know you’re tired. I heard about that bachelor party last night.

Joe: Sweetie, did I ever tell you about the time I drove 20 hours straight? I think I can handle this.

Inner Mary: Oh brother. Don’t patronize me, OK?

Inner Joe: OK, it was only 15 hours, but it was still a long time.

Mary: Alright, but please let me know when you are feeling sleepy because I don’t want us to get into an accident!

Inner Joe: Yeah, I’ve been in the car when you’re driving. It’s a little scary -- I don’t want you driving, especially at night! I sure hope I can stay awake!

Mary: I’m so glad we picked Nova Scotia for our honeymoon Joe. It’s going to be great!

Joe: Yeah, I’m looking forward to just relaxing, and spending time with you, of course!

Inner Joe: Not to mention the great fishing!

Mary: I thought it would be nice if we rent a small sail boat for a few days. Have you ever been sailing?

Joe: No, just motorboating.

Inner Mary: Shoulda figured.

Mary: dreamily You can’t imagine how quiet it is out on the water, with no engine whining and putting of exhaust. It’s about the most peaceful you can get. Especially at night. We could lie out on the deck, just looking up at the stars. I’m sure the stars will be so much brighter up in Nova Scotia. At home they were so dim because of the lights from the city. I remember my brothers and I would spend days out on the boat in the summer. We would sail around all day, stopping at little ports up and down the coast. Then at night we’d all sleep out on the deck.

Joe: yawning That does sound nice.

Mary: You are getting sleepy!

Joe: It’s just your voice sweetie. You could make anyone feel sleepy. It’s very soothing.

Inner Joe: That was close. I do not want her to get behind the wheel of my car.

Mary: We’ve got, what, six hours to go? Please let me help Joe!

Inner Mary: Man what is it with this guy? Does he get an ego trip from staying awake the longest or something?

Joe: No, I’m fine. I said I could handle it!

Inner Joe: Man I’m so sleepy. Let’s see, what can we talk about that will keep me awake?

Inner Mary: Well, it’s obvious he’s falling asleep. What can we talk about that will help keep him awake? Ooh, I know. Kids!

Mary: I know we’ve had this discussion before, Joe. But what are your feelings about children?

Joe: Don’t want ‘em. You know that.

Inner Joe: She’s onto me. Now she’s trying to argue with me to keep me awake. What a great girl.

Mary: But haven’t you ever thought what it would be like to be able to make another life? To create a life – that’s a privilege that God has given to us.

Inner Mary: I want four. Two girls and two boys.

Inner Joe: I know she wants kids, but I really don’t. This is a delicate subject – I’d better pay attention.

Joe: But there’s so many chances something could go wrong.

Inner Joe: That’s good, man. Keep it going.

Mary: Yes, but Joe, I’m a nurse, and I see so many successful pregnancies. The odds would definitely be in our favor!

Inner Mary: But it’s hard to look into the eyes of a mother who has lost her child. That has to be the worst thing a mother could experience.

Joe: But why take a risk at all?

Inner Mary: Good point.

Mary: We are supposed to want children, supposed to want to continue the human race. It’s just been programmed into us.

Joe: I guess there’s a glitch in my program.

Inner Joe: OK, I have to make her understand.

Inner Mary: He just doesn’t understand me. This isn’t good!

Joe: Listen Sweetie. Maybe I will want kids someday. I’m not ruling out the possibility. But just think about all the effort it would take on our part. You’d probably have to quit your job, or at least take a leave of absence, and I’d have to pick up a bunch of overtime just to make ends meet. Not to mention that after the baby was born we would have no time to ourselves, just you and me.

Inner Joe: That should hold me for a few years at least.

Mary: OK, but don’t complain when I gain weight from these stupid birth control shots!

Inner Mary: I’ve already gained 10 pounds. I can’t believe it. You’re supposed to lose weight before your wedding, not gain it.

Joe: You know I don’t care about things like that sweetie.

Inner Joe: Man, I hope she doesn’t get fat! Her Mom’s not fat. That’s a good sign.

Inner Mary: Oh, God, he’s so sweet to me. How could someone like him ever fall for me? I’m a slob, I sing off key, loudly, and I don’t eat meat! Men usually run screaming from people like me.

Mary: You’re so good to me honey. I know this marriage is going to work. We were meant to be together!

Inner Joe: Oh Lord, here we go again.

Mary: I knew it was true love from the first moment I saw you, in the emergency room. You were sitting there with blood running down your arm, and I thought, “That is a man that I could take care of.”

Joe: Well, I’m glad I came to the emergency room that day, instead of letting that gash heal on it’s own looking at his right forearm See? You can hardly see the scar.

Mary: Don’t I do good work?

Inner Mary: It would have healed fine on its own.

Joe: You do excellent work. I love it that you are in a profession where you can help people.

Inner Joe: Unlike me. I’m such a leech. I suck people’s money away. I sure do hate my job! But it does pay the bills, most of them, at least.

Mary: Me too, I’m glad I didn’t get pulled into a job that I didn’t enjoy.

Inner Mary: Like you did.

Inner Joe: Like I did.

Mary: I love helping people, not only the patients, but the doctor as well.

Inner Mary: OK Mary, time to be quiet. Don’t brag. It’s not becoming.

Inner Joe: Look at her. That’s my wife. So loving, and giving of herself. How did she ever fall for such a jerk like me? I can’t think of ever living without her now.

Joe: I love you Mary.

Mary: I love you too honey. I don’t care what you do for a living, as long as it isn’t illegal. I just want you to be careful. Being a repo man can be dangerous.

Joe: Oh I know. How do you think I got that gash on my arm? Some of my “clients” can get a little possessive.

Inner Joe: That guy’s knife really took me by surprise. What scares me is that I could tell he was aiming for my heart.

Mary: Just be careful! That’s all I ask.

Joe: I will sweetie.

Inner Joe: I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. My eyes will hardly stay open!

Inner Mary: OK can’t let the conversation lag, because he’ll fall asleep and we’ll go careening off a cliff or something!

Mary: So how do you think the wedding went.

Inner Mary: Ooh, not good, he’ll be bored with that one for sure!

Inner Joe: Finally, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me all night!

Joe: Oh everything went smoothly. There was just one hitch.

Inner Joe: Ha! I crack myself up!

Inner Mary: Oh brother.

Mary: (laughing) Oh brother. You’ve been waiting to say that all night, haven’t you.

Joe: Yeah, but it was pretty funny, wasn’t it?

Inner Mary: Funny, not really the word I’d use.

Mary: Yeah, it was funny. Not to change the subject or anything, but I wonder what kind of sight seeing things are around our hotel.

Inner Mary: I’m looking forward to room service the most.

Inner Joe: Should I tell her?. . . Yes. I should.

Joe: Sweetie, I’ve got a surprise for you.

Mary: Really?

Inner Mary: I wonder. . .

Inner Joe: Here goes.

Joe: Remember how you told me to take care of booking the hotel? Well, I looked up the websites for the few hotels there are on Nova Scotia, and none of them seemed good enough for you.

Inner Joe: Yeah, that’s good.

Mary: What do you mean?

Joe: Well, none of the hotels looked very luxurious, not like a place where a woman

would want to spend her honeymoon.

Inner Mary: Aaannd?

Inner Joe: Keep going man. She won’t bite your head off.

Joe: So I started looking at campgrounds. . .

Mary: (Indignantly) Campgrounds!?!

Inner Mary: Stay calm Mary. .. Let him finish.

Joe: (Quickly) Yeah, and this one in particular has these lodges. They looked really nice. We would be away from everybody, and there’s a fancy restaurant only a mile away.

Mary: Joe, you know I like to camp. But, I really didn’t have it in mind for our honeymoon!! I mean, what about room service? What about satin sheets? What about a room with a view?

Inner Mary: A lodge in a campground? What was he thinking? Does he really care for me that little?

Joe: Now wait Mary, just wait. I still wanted to have all the luxury of a nice hotel, but like I said before, all the hotels looked pretty sleazy. So I talked to the owner of the place, and he said he could accommodate all our needs. He had his wife come in and totally redecorate the place just for us. New everything. He said he needed to do it anyway, and this just gave him a little push. And as far as room service, I called the restaurant and they said they can deliver to our door. It might take a little longer but this is the best restaurant on Nova Scotia, and the food has got to be better than hotel food.

Inner Joe: Are you satisfied now? See I really did everything I could.

Mary: Well, that doesn’t sound too bad. Does it have a fireplace?

Joe: Yes, and complimentary firewood for honeymooners. I think we might start a new trend.

Inner Mary: Actually that doesn’t sound bad at all.

Mary: Well Honey, I hope I end up thanking you for making this decision, but I’ll hold my judgement till I see the place.

Inner Joe: Please don’t be mad at me sugar. I don’t like you when you’re mad. You turn into someone I don’t even know.

Mary: OK, so I wonder what kinds of things there are to do and see around our lodge?

Inner Mary: I want to sit my the fireplace, and look out at nature. I just want to sit and talk, and dream.

Joe: You know, I’ve heard good things about deep sea fishing expeditions.

Mary: I didn’t know you liked to fish Joe!

Inner Mary: Oh great.

Inner Joe: Uh-oh, here it comes.

Joe: Oh, I like it OK. . .

Mary: Killing defenseless animals is just wrong Joe.

Inner Joe: Well, that’s your opinion.

Inner Mary: I know that’s just my opinion, but I’m right!

Mary: I’ll never forget the time I watched my brother kill a squirrel just for fun. It was cruel! Since that day I haven’t eaten a bite of meat, and I feel so much better about myself.

Inner Joe: Yeah yeah yeah, we’ve heard it all before.

Inner Mary: Your knew you had to tell him someday. Now’s as good a time as any.

Mary: Listen Joe, about that. ..

Inner Mary: Come on, this is your husband, you don’t have to be afraid.

Inner Joe: Oh come on, don’t tell me she’s going to try to make me become a vegetarian! Never! I love you sweetie, but not that much!

Mary: I don’t want to make you stop eating meat. . .

Inner Joe: Oh good, because I wouldn’t do it, and I don’t want to fight!

Inner Mary: Mary, keep going, say it!

Mary: But I really don’t feel comfortable cooking it myself. Whenever I have to touch raw meat, dead animal flesh, it just makes me feel sick.

Inner Mary: Although, that my be an effective way to lose weight. . .

Mary: So please don’t ask me to fix you anything that has meat in it. I just don’t think I could do it.

Inner Joe: OK, this isn’t as bad as I thought. I can deal with it. Marriage takes a little sacrifice, on both sides.

Joe: OK Sweetie, I can handle that. I think I can cook my own meat.

Inner Joe: I think I’ll be doing a lot of barbeque, and carry out Chinese!

Inner Mary: He’s a great guy! Not even a protest!

Inner Joe: yawn OK, I don’t care if she’s behind the wheel, I have to sleep or else I will get into an accident.

Joe: Alright alright, you were right Mary.

Mary: About what, not eating meat?

Inner Joe: (Sarcastically) Umm, No!

Inner Mary: Wow, way to persuade!

Joe: No, no, no, I need to sleep. Wanna drive for a while?

Dropout Psychology

by Natalie Robbins at natthecat61@hotmail.com

A coffee shop. Andrew and Andrea are seated at a table, drinking coffee, deep in conversation. Andrea is dressed in a sharp business suit, and is wearing lots of makeup, and Andrew is in jeans and a flannel shirt.

Andrew: No way!! I'm not going to the symphony!

Andrea: whining Why not? Andrew, you have to come. You know it would make Mother and Father very happy.

Andrew: Hey, don't talk to me about making Mom and Dad happy. I live with them, I'm there for them. You moved away as soon as you could.

Andrea: What are you talking about? You are not there for them. You are burdening their lives. I can just imagine how they feel, having you hanging around all the time. No friends, no car, it's just pathetic.

Andrew: And all you have to do is whistle and Mom and Dad come running. That's what I think is pathetic!

Andrea: Really Andrew, don't be absurd. I know they admire Claude and I -

Andrew: Ooh, and that husband of yours - he really gets on my nerves! I'm just glad he doesn't come to visit often!

Andrea: Well he doesn't like you either!

Andrew: You know I really think he spends more time in front of the mirror than you do. If he has a bad hair day it's like the end of the world.

Andrea: Oh, come on. You know if you had a performance career you'd be concerned about your appearance too.

Andrew: Thank God I don't have to worry about that.

Andrea: cell phone rings Oh hang, on. That's my cell. Hello. Oh hi darling! Andrew and I were just talking about you! Bad news? WHAT!!! That can't be true. How did it happen? Oh. uh huh, uh huh. Well, thanks for calling. Please keep me informed. Love you, darling. Bye.

Andrew: What happened? Is everything OK?

Andrea: No everything is NOT OK! Our investment just fell through! Oh, I'm feeling faint. . . I might have to sell my BMW!

Andrew: That's too bad.

Andrea: That's too bad?!! That's all you can say? That investment meant the world to us. It ensured our continued comfort in Beverley Hills.

Andrew: I'm sorry Andrea, I just can't feel that sorry for you. I mean, you still have your job, and it's a good job, too. There are plenty of other very nice places to live for much less money.

Andrea: It just won't be the same! Living in Beverley Hills has been my dream since I was little. And just when I achieve that dream, it's gone just like that snap fingers

Andrew: So just modify your dream a little. It can't be that hard.

Andrea: Why bother explaining? You just don't get it do you?

Andrew: I guess not.

Silence. They seem to be lost in thought. Andrew glances around.

Andrew: in a lighter mood. Hey Ann. .. look at that woman sitting over there. Doesn't she look familiar to you?

Andrea: Don't call me Ann! Andrea is my name. looking around Actually, she kind of looks like Donna. looks closer Oh my God! I think that is Donna!

Andrew: Should we go ask her?

Andrea: I'll go. walks up to the woman Excuse me. Are you by any chance Donna Kirkpatrick?

Donna: Yes, that's my name. Can I help you?

Andrew: stands up and comes over. I thought you looked familiar! Don't you recognize us?

Donna: looking at them closely Oh my. . . no! stands up Could it really be Andrew and Andrea? I haven't seen you two in so long!

Andrea: Won't you join us?

Andrea walks sedately back to her seat. Andrew and Donna hug each other, then walk over and sit down.

Andrea: So, Donna. What have you been up to all these years? It's been what? 20 years now?

Donna: gushing, with an easy manner 20 years! Wow! It's hard to believe that time could go by so fast. Well, I'm living in New York, teaching middle school. I love my job. You have no idea how rewarding it is to make a difference in a young person's life. I have a condo that I share with my cat, Earl, and my two love birds Nina and Pinto. After my family moved to New York, I started doing some volunteer tutoring, and I realized that teaching is my passion.

Andrea: Gaa! How do you manage all those little brats?!

Donna: laughing Well, I can tell you don't have any children! I love my kids. Sometimes they can be difficult, but it's very much worth it. . .

Andrew: So what are you doing back in the area?

Donna: Actually, I'm just driving through. I stopped here for some coffee. I'm going to a teacher's convention in Oregon. But I've got plenty of time to chat. So what's been going on with you two?

Andrea: haughtily Well, let's see, I have my masters in music performance. I play the french horn. I'm married, my husband's name is Claude, and he plays the cello. We live in Beverley Hills, and perform with the Los Angeles Symphony Orchestra, and each of us have been soloists for recordings of classical music. I own a BMW and Claude has a classic '63 Corvette. I'm in town visiting Mother and Father for their anniversary.

Donna: Wow, quite the list of accomplishments. And how sweet of you to visit your parents for their anniversary. And how about you Andrew?

Andrew: Please, since you're and old friend, call me Andy. Andrea refuses to, but I really like it better. pauses. OK, let's see, how to sum up 20 years . . . looking into his coffee cup. dropped out of high school, got a job, started drinking, kept on drinking, lost my car and license, went to prison for a while, got out, finally managed to stop drinking, got a job, and that's about where I am now. .. 3 more years of riding the bus -- I still don't have my licence.

Donna: You know Andy, it takes major guts to overcome alcoholism. Anyone who can do that has to really believe in themselves.

Andrea: Anyway, back to Andrew's life. . . he still lives at home. I just don't get it!

Andrew: shame-faced Yeah, never did move out...

Donna: Hey, don't worry about it. . . In fact I didn't move out till I was 28. Just couldn't afford it. So we all can't all drive BMWs. So what? As long as we're alive, we still can enjoy life, and have a shot at being happy.

Andrew: Man, you really hit the nail on the head with that one! Finally, someone who understands! For years now Andrea here has been trying to shove her California I'm-better-than-you attitude down my throat! She just doesn't seem to understand me since she moved away.

Andrea: Let's just get this straight Andrew. I never shove anything down anyone's throat. I simply try to show you where you could improve your life. Take for instance my offer of a symphony ticket - which I've already bought, by the way. To Donna. I bought Mother, Father, and Andrew tickets to see the symphony. In the past they've always refused to go on just my suggestion. So this year I actually bought them as a gift so they'd be obligated to go. . . .

Andrew: A dirty trick!

Andrea: glaring at Andrew for interrupting As I was saying. . .Mother and Father have agreed to go to the symphony, after much pleading and a promise to buy Mother a new dress -- I told her that I can afford it, and that I'd be happy to do it, but Andrew still refuses. I feel it would be good for him to widen his musical horizons.

Donna: You were always trying to do that.

Andrea: I was always very musical.

Donna: Andy on the other hand. . .

Andrew: Hey, don't get me wrong, I enjoy music. I'm just not a performer. I work at Krispy Kreme. I make doughnuts for a living.

Donna: You know, working there is probably a dream job for a lot of children.

Andrea: And then they grow up. Apparently, Andrew still thinks he's 10.

Andrew: Hey I'm moving up in the world. I've worked as a garbage man, and I've worked in a slaughterhouse. Actually, I love my job. I don't get paid a lot, but the people I work with are all great, and I get to bring home all the defective doughnuts. That's one perk that Mom and Dad really like.

Donna: I can imagine. This is so much fun sitting here with you guys. We always were best friends. I can't believe we didn't keep in touch all these years.

Andrew: Hey, we weren't always such good friends. Do you remember when we got in that fight?

Donna: It was the only time we ever fought. We must have been 9 or 10 at the time.

Andrew: I seem to recall I ended up with a broken nose and a black eye.

Donna: Oh yeah. Well, that's what happens when you try to pick on my friends. Remember that!

Andrew: Oh, I will.

Donna: I think you should be scared of me. Remember, I work in the public schools. I've broke up so many fights, I can't even count them all. In fact, I've always got some scratch or bruise on me somewhere. They are my souvenirs from the New York Public Schools.

Andrea: Well I don't think you should put up with that, Donna. If I were you I would get out of teaching, especially if you're getting hurt.

Donna: Oh, I'm not really hurt. Besides it's my own fault. I'll get in the middle of a fight knowing that I could get hurt.

Andrea: I don't know how you do it. That kind of working environment is so stressful. It can't be worth the salary you're making.

Donna: Hey, I have bills, and sometimes teaching can be frustrating. But to give up the good that I'm doing for other people - I could never do that.

Andrew: It's all about doing what makes you happy. It doesn't necessarily matter if you make lots of money. I don't think I need money to be happy.

Donna: Me either. Just give me my job, and my pets and I'm happy.

Andrew: I was at the bottom, just living for the next drink, and I did that for ten years. Ten years of my life just thrown away. But I think I'm happy now, even though I'm poor. Getting over alcoholism just puts everything else in perspective.

Andrea: Just think of where you could be right now if only you had applied yourself.

Andrew: I would probably be stuck in some boring office job, and so stressed out that I would start drinking again.

Donna: I'm glad you're honest with yourself, that you recognize what you need and don't need.

Andrew: I have some regrets. Maybe it would have been better for me to stay in school -

Donna: Now that I can't argue with.

Andrew: - gone to college, got some degree, a stuffy job, and the paycheck to go with it. But looking around me, I can see that those kinds of things aren't the kinds of things that make a person happy.

Andrea: sarcastically OK, Mr. Shrink. Tell me, what does make a person happy. To Donna Always be leery of psychology that comes from a high school drop-out.

Andrew: OK, here what makes me happy -- and I think I'm pretty happy: being able to make my own decisions, being around people that I love and that love me in return, not having to depend on any kind of a substance to get me through the day, being satisfied with my work, and not having so much money that it makes me think I'm better than other people.

Donna: Sounds like very sound psychology to me.

Andrea: There's no reason not to be proud of your money. It represents who you are and how much you've accomplished. Just look at you and your accomplishments Andrew, compared to me.

Andrew: And yet you just got a call from you're husband. Remember how upset you were a few minutes ago when you found out that investment deal fell through?

Andrea: Yes, I was upset. But I've been thinking, even without that money, I still think we can manage to keep our house. Claude might have to sell his Corvette; no big deal.

Andrew: And I bet Claude is thinking "Andrea will have to sell her Beamer, no big deal."

Andrea: I am not getting rid of my car! She's like my baby!

Donna: Andrea, if someone were to ask you the same question you just asked Andy- what makes a person happy, how would you respond?

Andrea: Having enough money to buy what you want.

Andrew: That's it?

Andrea: If you can buy anything you want, you won't ever be lacking.

Donna: You won't be lacking material, physical things, true.

Andrew: But there's more to life than that.

Donna: The most important things in life can't be bought. I'm convinced of that. Things like love, respect, and friendship.

Andrea: But having money does give a person a certain advantage.

Andrew: That may be true, but should happiness depend on having money?

Donna: I don't think so.

Andrea: I don't think I could ever agree with you. I have money, and I can't think of living any other way. You two have such romantic tastes - money doesn't make you happy, and it's all about love and trust. I'm telling you, you would enjoy the symphony. Classical music can be very romantic. Donna, you're welcome to come along. It's tonight, if you can stay.

Donna: Thanks for inviting me Andrea, but I really can't stay.

Andrew: And I really can't go to that concert. I've made up my mind and I'm sticking to it. pauses I'll tell you what Andrea - You're always talking about expanding my musical horizons, how 'bout I expand yours -- I'll go to the symphony tonight if you'll go to Ozzfest with me next summer.

Andrea: OZZFEST? You call that expanding my musical horizons? That's more like torture. That kind of music represents everything I hate.

Andrew: Those are my terms. Except them or not, it makes no difference to me.

Donna: Andrea, don't have a double standard.

Andrea: Argh! OK, I guess you don't have to go tonight. I'd never be caught dead at Ozzfest.

Andrew: And I'd never be caught dead at a symphony. pauses I knew that would work!

Andrea: Oh, my cell's ringing again. Hello. Hello Mother. Oh no! What happened? When? Is there anything we can do? Oh. . . . OK, I'll tell him. Thanks for calling. OK. Bye. To Donna and Andrew. That was Mother. Rich Uncle Walter just died.

Andrew: Oh no!!

Donna: I remember him. He lived on that big house on Main Street, didn't he?

Andrea: coldly Yes, and Mother just told me that he left his estate, including all his money and his house to Andrew.

Andrew: dumbfounded I'm a millionaire.

Donna: Hey, now you can move out.

Andrew: I'm keeping my job.

Young People These Days. . .

by Natalie Robbins at natthecat61@hotmail.com

A bus-stop. A woman, 60ish, stands in the pouring rain. She has no umbrella, and is very distraught, looking for the bus. A man, 20ish, walks up, carrying an open umbrella.

M: Excuse me, ma’am. Would you like to share my umbrella?

W: Oh! Thank you so much! I am getting soaked!!

M: Your welcome. You waiting for the 7:30 bus?

W: Yes, that’s the one. I’m on my way to my doctor’s office.

They stand together under the umbrella. The bus pulls up and they get on. They sit down together, man sitting in the window seat, woman sitting in the aisle seat.

W: Do you mind if we switch seats?

M: Not at all.

W: Thanks you. I just love the window seat.

They stand up and awkwardly switch seats.

W: Young man, thank you so much for sharing your umbrella. That was so kind of you!

M: Hey, no problem.

W: I meant to grab mine on the way out of the house but I was afraid I was going to miss my doctor’s appointment, so I didn’t have time to look for it.

M: It’s really raining out there.

W: Yes it is. I have irritable bowel syndrome, and the Dr.’s going to get me some pain medicine. Also, he’s going to take a look at my feet. I think I need to have my corns removed again.

M: Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.

W: Yes, sometimes it hurts too much to walk.

M: My grandmother just had her corns removed. I was surprised at how invasive the surgery was.

W: Yes, it’s quite a big deal. The last time had it done I had my feet bandaged up for two weeks. I’m not looking forward to that again.

M: No, that doesn’t sound like much fun.

W: Excuse me for asking young man, but how old are you?

M: I’m 23. Why?

W: I was just thinking, you look to be about the age of my grandson, and you are. He’s 24.

M: Oh, maybe I know him.

W: Oh, I doubt it. You don’t look to be the type of person he’s spend time with. You are so much more considerate than he is.

M: Oh, well, I was just trying to be helpful.

W: Yes, that’s it exactly! Josh wouldn’t even think about offering to share his umbrella with me, and I’m his grandmother. He hasn’t sat down and had an intelligent conversation with me in about ten years.

M: Some people need more time to grow up than others.

W: Well, that’s true. But all his friends are like that too. I live with my children, and he still lives there too. He’s 24, and he throws wild parties at his parent’s house. It’s just disgraceful! They all just walk right over me, expecting me to clean up after them. My son tries to take my side and make Josh help out but Josh is a weight lifter and has threatened his father before. Frankly, I think Adam is afraid of his own son. That boy has me worried.

M: Well, please don’t compare your grandson to me. Everyone is different.

W: Yes you’re right. But judging by the young people I know, I’m seriously afraid for America’s youth. And I think I’m a fairly good judge of character. With the few and far between exceptions, I think most young adults, no, I won’t even call them young adults, most young people are rude, inconsiderate, uncivil, and thoughtless about how their actions affect other people. And think how their example rubs off on our society’s teenagers. These are the future leaders of our great country. I have a feeling our country won’t be so great in a couple of decades.

M: Well ma’am, I have to disagree with you there. You know, what, 10 young people? Can you really judge thousands of people based on such a small group? You obviously feel strongly about this, but is it possible that your perspective may be a little warped?

W: Absolutely not! Have you watched those music video channels lately? That music is degrading and embarrassing to anyone over, say, 35.

M: Listen, you can’t judge any segment of the population by looking at popular culture! That doesn’t represent how everyone feels, or even how the majority of the people feel. I don’t like most “popular” music, and most of my friends don’t either. And we are not in the minority. Besides, did your parents or grandparents have an appreciation for the music of your youth? Remember the stir Elvis caused, or how about the Beatles? Can you honestly say that your parents approved of you listening to that music?

W: You’ve got me there young man! My parents thought Elvis was the devil incarnate. But still, you didn’t hear Elvis using swear words. You never used to see those warning stickers. My parents may not have approved of the music I liked but they weren’t afraid it would make me go out and kill someone. I still think the music that most young people listen to is just wrong! Not to mention in bad taste.

M: Well, I won’t say it’s wrong, but I will agree that a lot of popular music today is in bad taste.

W: And what about crime? My grandson has been in jail twice for shoplifting. And guess who had to bail him out? Me. And I know of at least 3 of his friends have also done time for some sort of crime, one even for armed robbery! Can you believe that?

M: Yeah, I can believe it. Crime is very common, even some of my relatives have served prison terms. But I have to point out that crime has always been common. Young people, as well as old have been caught shoplifting and been implicated for all sorts of crimes. You can’t really blame today’s youth for being new. They’re just repeating the past.

W: Well, what about morals? Look at the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases. Statistics don’t lie.

M: It is true that sex before marriage is much more common now than it has ever been in the past. But, I have a sister. She’s 20. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to protect her from perverted old men. So don’t tell me that just young people are spreading diseases. It’s everybody. And everybody has looser morals than they used to. My aunt just recently got divorced. She’s 50. Within one month, and this is no lie, she was living with another man.

W: That’s just wrong. Doesn’t anybody read their Bible’s anymore? God explicitly said “You must not commit adultery.”

M: I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, I’m just illustrating my point. It’s not just young people who have let go of the values of the past. They’ve learned it from their parents.

W: Hmmph. Well, I still think that most young people today are corrupt in one way or another. With a few exceptions of course. You seem to be a model citizen. Why, I bet you even carry pictures of your family in your wallet.

M: As a matter of fact, I do.

Man reaches into his pocket to pull out his wallet, but it’s not there. He starts patting all his pockets, but doesn’t find it.

M: Hmmm. Where could it be?

Man starts looking under the seats, and all around.

W: Oh no! Did you lose it?

M: Either that or I left it at home. Shoot! I’m going to have to turn around and go home. I probably left it on my kitchen counter. Man! I’m going to be so late for work!

W: Can you make the day without it?

M: No! I have to have my ID card to even get in the building.

W: Oh! Where do you work?

Man is still looking around, and patting all his pockets, obviously distracted.

M: It’s a munitions plant. They have very high security.

W: Oh, that’s too bad dear. I hope you won’t get in trouble.

M: Well, I might be scolded, but my boss is pretty lax about stuff like that, as long as I have a good excuse.

The bus stops. The man stands up.

M: Well, ma’am, I guess I’ll get off here and catch make my way back to my apartment. It was nice talking to you. Good luck at the doctor’s!

W: Oh thank you! I hope you find your wallet.

The man walks off the bus, and exits the stage. The woman stays seated. After the man is out of sight, she pulls the man’s wallet out of her pocket.

W: Ha! My set up worked perfectly! Now let’s see what his family looks like. Very nice looking family. Too bad he’s such a sucker!

Woman closes wallet and put it into her bag.